|Season 1, Episode 5|
|Date Aired:||October 26, 2011|
Don't Call Me Shirley
"Halloween" is the fifth epsiode of season one, it aired on October 26, 2011.
Tessa and George are thrilled that they can finally have their dream Halloween in the suburbs. Instead of just a little door to decorate with ghoulish gear, they have a whole entire front lawn. Little do they know that the only thing worse than Halloween in the city is Halloween in Chatswin. Sadly, the Neighborhood Association has a ban against home Halloween decorations. That means no cackling witch music blaring from the windows, no cobwebs dangling from the porch and certainly no bloody guillotines on the front lawn. What a nightmare.
Since the house can't be perfect, Tessa needs her costume to be. The best part is that she doesn't need to look any further than her own closet to find it. The girl who previously lived in Tessa's house left behind an old hair "Bump-it" and hairpins in a box marked "Misty's Hair Accesories." When Tessa goes to school wearing Misty's accessories and a velour tracksuit (and also adding the word "redonk" to her vocabulary) the entire school gives Tessa the evil eye. Turns out she's the spitting image of Misty – the dead girl. You read that right. Apparently Misty died and no one really knows how. So, that means Tessa is living in a dead girl's room. Sweet dreams, Tessa. Sweet dreams…
Lisa exposes the only grim details she knows about Misty's life. Misty was Lisa’s best friend before she got laser eye surgery and became hot. She then joined the KKK and co. (Wait, there was a non-blonde group member?!) and Lisa was never the same. Now Lisa is all freaked out that the ghost of Misty is taking over Tessa. After all, Tessa lives in Misty's room, she's wearing Misty's things, and she even tried to open Misty's locker by accident. When Lisa catches Tessa talking with the popular girls, she's left with no choice. There needs to be an intervention.
Later that night at Tessa’s house, Lisa and Malik (dressed as Run DMC), light a bunch of candles. No, they aren't getting romantic – they're just prepping for Tessa's exorcism. Well, the ghost of Misty has to leave Tessa somehow. Only a couple minutes into the Latin chanting, they hear Misty’s voice yelling, “It's Misty, hoe!” It’s not dead Misty though, it’s the alive Misty who needs to be let inside before she freezes to real death. She’s only wearing a tiny ironic angel costume at the end of October. It turns out she never actually died, she just went to school in New Jersey (as close to death as can be). Misty comes in, prances around her old bedroom, steals Tessa’s nail polish, and the night carries on with one less dead girl in the world.
Meanwhile, George refuses to allow the Neighborhood Association to ruin his Halloween. He's forced to take it up with the head of the NA, better known as Dallas Royce. The school is holding an annual "jaunty, not haunty" festival with plastic gumdrops and unicorns and of course, a suburban girl dressed as a "slutty mushroom". We learn that she hates being scared so she doesn't want to bend the rules for George. To prove to her that being scared can be fun, he brings over a classic scary movies to her house, including The Exorcist, The Omen and Rosemary's Baby. Dallas promises she will watch the movies with George if in return he gives her full "squeezing rights". By the end of the movie her veins are pumping with the thrill of the scare. She loves it. Then, Dallas's husband, Stephen unexpectedly returns from one of his many business trips. George scares Stephen with a mask he put on, and Stephen beats George up thinking he's an intruder. And to welcome her hubby back home, Dallas allows him to kiss her forehead in the most uncomfortable scene of the century. Something tells us they haven't been intimate in many, many years.
At the end of the day, George gets his way and he and Tessa can hand out candy from the creepiest lawn on the block. Sometimes dreams do come true… even in the suburbs.
- Jeremy Sisto as George Altman
- Jane Levy as Tessa Altman
- Carly Chaikin as Dalia Royce
- Rex Lee as Mr. Wolfe
- Allie Grant as Lisa Shay
- Alan Tudyk as Noah Werner
- Cheryl Hines as Dallas Royce
- Jay Mohr as Steven Royce
- Chloe Bridges as Misty
- Bruno Amato as Police Officer
- Abbie Cobb as Kimantha
- Deena Dill as Bliss
- Maestro Harrell as Malik
- Jesse Heiman as Stumbling Student
- Heather Nichols as Sexy Fisherman
- Kara Pacitto as Kenzie
- Katelyn Pacitto as Kaitlin
- Lilly Roberson as Slutty Mushroom
- Say Hi, The Stars Just Blink For Us - Tessa shows up to school in costume.
- Little Majorette, Undercover - George walks into Candyland at the High School.
- Yellow Ostrich, Hahahaohhoho - George and Tessa scare kids in their Halloween costumes.