Season 1 (2011-2012)Edit

Production Code Ep # Title Director Original air date U.S. Viewers
276054 1 "Pilot" Michael Fresco September 28, 2011 9.81
Single dad George Altman decides to move himself and his 15-year old daughter Tessa Altman out of New York and into the suburbs, where he hopes they will become closer, after finding a box of condoms in her drawer. However, Tessa is too horrified by all the big-haired, fake-boobed mothers, over-manicured lawns and shallow classmates to bond with her father.
3X7103 2 "The Barbecue" Michael Fresco October 5, 2011 9.11
Tessa finds herself attracted to her exact opposite, jock next-door neighbor Ryan Shay, much to the dismay of her new friend and Ryan's sister, Lisa. Meanwhile, George is pressured by his best friend Noah Werner into throwing a barbecue.
3X7102 3 "The Chatterer" Michael Fresco October 12, 2011 8.92
When George joins the PTA, he becomes well-liked by all the moms, which has Sheila feeling threatened. Meanwhile, Tessa joins the school newspaper and with some help from fellow outcast Malik, turns it into a tabloid-style gossip paper.
3X7104 4 "Don't Call Me Shirley" Ken Whittingham October 19, 2011 8.82
When Sheila's precious Shirley Temple doll collection is stolen, Tessa can't help but be amused, until she faces the consequences. Meanwhile, afraid of being burglarized themselves, Dallas and Dalia stay at the Altman's house.
3X7105 5 "Halloween" Adam Davidson October 26, 2011 9.73
Tessa believes she has found the perfect costume for Halloween when she channels her inner 'suburban girl', but her fellow students get more of a fright when her costume reminds them of Misty, their recently 'departed' classmate. Lisa and Malik attempt to exorcise Tessa to remove the former friend's spirit. George tries to help Dallas Royce find the fun in Halloween, but receives a shock of his own when Dallas' husband Steven returns home from his business trip.
3X7106 6 "Charity Case" Ken Whittingham November 2, 2011 8.5
Tessa attempts to get her fellow students motivated in helping a charity, however the charity they choose to help isn't what she was hoping for. So Tessa decides to introduce her classmates to a transsexual homeless person as a lesson, but the plan backfires. Meanwhile, a huge dental bill from Noah puts a strain on his and George's friendship.
3X7107 7 "Sweet Sixteen" Adam Davidson November 16, 2011 8.19
Dallas gets Dalia to plan Tessa's sixteenth birthday party, even getting 'Average Shelf Life (ASL)' - her favorite band - to perform. She is excited until Dalia shoves her own vision over Tessa's intended plans. Meanwhile, George throws out his back and Sheila becomes his obsessive caretaker, even though George is terrified of her.
3X7108 8 "Thanksgiving" Alex Hardcastle November 23, 2011 8.35

Tessa can't stand the thought of spending Thanksgiving in the 'burbs, so she jumps at the chance to go to New York when Dallas offers to bring her for lunch wherever she wanted. While out having fun, the two come across George making out with a woman, even though he said he was off working. Tessa openly confronts George about his lying at the Royce's Thanksgiving dinner, effectively ruining the evening. Meanwhile, Sheila and Lisa are at odds over a special dress that Sheila wants Lisa to wear for Thanksgiving dinner.

3X7109 9 "The Nutcracker" Randy Zisk December 7, 2011 8.02

Tessa decides to reunite George and his old flame Zoe, because she blames herself for their breakup. But George is instead captivated by AimeeTessa's art teacher. George then throws a tree-trimming party, where he finds himself under the mistletoe with a special someone.

3X7110 10 "Driving Miss Dalia" Ken Whittingham January 4, 2012 8.75
Tessa gets her driver's license and Dalia hires her to drive her around to stalk her crush, Scott Strauss, who ends up falling for Tessa instead. George decides to join the local country club, but Noah refuses to sponsor him.
3X7111 11 "Out in the Burbs" Elliot Hegarty January 11, 2012 8.75
Tessa is asked to guide Josh Sherman, the new guy in school. After seeing him stare at the school jocks, she then believes that he is gay, unaware that he is really an undercover narcotics officer investigating the use of steroids. When Tessa asks Mr. Wolfe the school guidance councellor, what she should do. She inadvertently inspires Mr. Wolfe to 'come out' to the student body. George begins to re-evaluate his relationship with Dallas, after thinking that she is making sexual advances towards him.
3X7112 12 "The Casino Trip" Ken Whittingham January 18, 2012 7.05
George wins an all expenses paid trip to Atlantic City and takes Noah and Fred along with two other men - who were thought to be gay - with him on a 'guy's weekend'. Tessa tries to be alone with Scott, but it doesn't work out as planned. George gets a shocking surprise when he finds a box of XL condoms in Tessa's room again.
3X7113 13 "Sex and the Suburbs" Julie Anne Robinson February 8, 2012 7.27
After finding a box of condoms in Tessa's room, George wants to keep her in the house as much as possible so he plans a family game night with Tessa's friends. Tessa begins to gloat to Dalia about how Scott chose to be with her, but the more time she spends with him, the less attraction she has for him. Ryan is shown to be jealous of their relationship. Dallas finally learns that Steven has been unfaithful to her. Jocelyn seduces George and they finally have sex.
3X7114 14 "The Body" Phil Traill February 15, 2012 6.92
When Tessa sees that the school is only interested in athletics and not academics, she decides to run for class president against Kenzie and Kaitlin. Ryan injures himself in a wrestling match and George gives him advice in his time of need.
3X7115 15 "Fire with Fire" Alex Hardcastle February 22, 2012 6.76
To get back at Tessa for 'stealing' Scott Strauss, Dalia invites Lisa to be part of her group, which she eagerly accepts. So Tessa tries to recruit Kimantha into her group. Meanwhile, frustrated with Noah's laziness and lack of attention to her requests, his wife Jill Werner begins hitting the town with the newly-single Dallas and her new latin lover Yoni.
3X7116 16 "Poetic Injustice" Elliot Hegarty February 29, 2012 6.85
Tessa becomes jealous when her new poetry teacher is more fascinated with Dalia's poems than her own. Fred and Sheila compete against George and Dallas in croquet. Fred becomes convinced that Sheila has been fantasizing about George .
3X7117 17 "Independence Day" Ken Whittingham March 14, 2012 6.21
Dallas invites her sorority sisters to celebrate the opening of her store. George meets up with Tessa's maternal grandmother after reading the poem Tessa wrote. Meanwhile, Tessa tries to show George that she can be independent by working for Dallas and buying her own wheels.
3X7118 18 "Down Time" Alex Hardcastle April 11, 2012 6.04
Dallas' divorce is finalized and George is worried about her, so he invites her to shop for a mattress with Noah. Malik and Lisa confess their feelings and begin to date. Lisa feels sorry for Tessa and tries to set her up with Evan the school nerd. Tessa and Ryan go out together, and are spotted by Lisa, who surprisingly takes it well. Dalia begins seeing a therapist and later makes a breakthrough with Noah, who buys her a new pet to keep her company.
3X7119 19 "Entering Eden" Gail Mancuso April 18, 2012 5.69
George begins dating Eden, a woman he met at the town's farmer's market. He later finds out that she is going to be the surrogate mother of Noah and Jill's child. Tessa helps Dalia find Dallas' missing dog Ycolt, which their counselor Mr. Wolfe had found and wants to keep as his own.
3X7120 20 "Hear No Evil" Peter Lauer May 2, 2012 5.79
George signs a contract promising Noah that he will not have sexual relations with Eden until she gives birth to the Werner's child. George becomes concerned about Tessa when she becomes more enthusiastic about working at Dallas' store. Lisa starts to believe that she was adopted by the Shays after finding an adoption leaflet and video.
3X7121 21 "The Great Compromise" Randy Zisk May 9, 2012 5.94
Eden moves in with George and Tessa, shaking up the household. George may be effecting Noah's relationship with Eden. Malik and Lisa argue over which camp to go to after promising to spend the summer with each other, and seek Mr. Wolfe's help to decide.
3X7122 22 "The Motherload" Ken Whittingham May 16, 2012 5.42

The residents of Chatswin have an all-out celebration for the town's moms on Mother's Day, leaving a void for Tessa. Dalia wants to go to Israel for Mother's Day without Dallas. George and Eden attend a baby shower for Noah and Jill, but Eden is taken aback by the Werner's endangered animal theme for the nursery. Fred surprises Sheila with a performance by her favorite artist, while Lisa discovers that Ryan is the one who was adopted.

Season 2 (2012-2013)Edit

Production Code Ep # Title Director Original air date U.S. Viewers
3X7751 1 "Homecoming" Ken Whittingham October 17, 2012 7.54
Tessa returns to Chatswin after spending the summer in Manhattan with her grandmother. Upon returning, she continues to be interested in her mother's life and decides to perform at the local talent show. While Jill is out of town for a book tour, Noah tries to get Carmen, Dallas' maid, to work for him. Lisa blackmails Sheila and Fred , after telling them she knows that Ryan is adopted.
3X7752 2 "The Witch of East Chatswin" Victor Nelli October 24, 2012 7.37
Tessa believes she being haunted by a witch after being told about her by Sheila. George and Noah dress up as each other for Halloween, after Dallas had openly hoped that George would portray 'Ken' to her 'Barbie'.
3X7753 3 "Ryan's Song" Alex Hardcastle October 31, 2012 6.32
Lisa helps Ryan pursue Tessa after she feels guilty for not telling him that he was adopted, but Ryan mistakes her generosity for pity that he's seriously ill. Meanwhile, Dallas invites her life coach Tabitha on her first date with George. Tessa babysits Opus when Noah and Carmen go to the opera. 
3X7754 4 "Foam Finger" Alex Hardcastle October 7, 2012 7.55
George is confused by Dallas' behavior, when she overacts before they actually get romantic with each other. Tessa worries about Dalia when she becomes friends with her father's fiance Wan'Er and abandons Kimantha, Kenzie and Kaitlin
3X7755 5 "The Wishbone" Uta Breisewitz November 14, 2012 7.07
Tessa's mother Alex shows up in Chatswin for Thanksgiving, but Tessa had expected her to show up at her grandmother's apartment in Manhattan. Malik comes over to the Shay's house for Thanksgiving dinner, and annoys Lisa when he actually gets along well with Sheila. Sheila accidentally walks in on a naked Malik getting out of the shower, embarrassing Lisa .
3X7756 6 "Friendship Fish" Phil Traill November 28, 2012 6.73
Now that Lisa and Malik have broken up, Lisa decides to spend an entire weekend with Tessa. Even though Tessa had plans to spend the weekend alone in her room with her new tablet. George's friends from Manhattan, Theo and Cyrus, visit him unexpectedly and ridicule his new posh life in the suburbs.
3X7757 7 "Krampus" Julie Anne Robinson December 5, 2012 6.09
George arranges for Tessa to spend Christmas with Alex in Manhattan. Ryan finally finds out that he is adopted and doesn't want anything to do with the Shays anymore. Dalia makes a viral music video, to try to get Carmen to work for her again. Jill back at home, feels uncomfortable about Carmen taking care of Opus, leaving Noah in the middle.
3X7758 8 "Black Thai" Alex Hardcastle January 9, 2013 6.84
When Tessa and Dalia get their PSAT results, Dalia receives a new car and Tessa gets ice cream as rewards. Tessa is miffed that Dalia got a car, and becomes obsessed with finding out Dalia's score. The rift between the girls leads to an argument between George and Dallas, and the only thing that can help them is an old fashioned hip hop dance off. Meanwhile Noah and Jill hire Mr. Wolfe to tutor their baby after he's rejected by the finest day care in Chatswin.
3X7759 9 "Junior Secretary's Day" Elliot Hegarty January 16, 2013 6.06
When Tessa has her wisdom teeth removed, George struggles to manage both her recovery and the hysterics of their neighbor Fred, who has taken up residence in their basement after a carreer set-back. Sheila suspects George of harboring rats, and Dallas feels insecure about her relationship with George.
3X7760 10 "Chinese Chicken" Alex Hardcastle January 23, 2013 6.09
When Dallas goes overboard making flyers for George's business, he begins to feel stifled and convinces Noah and Fred to start a dad band as a way to escape their significant others. Sheila catches the band during practice and impresses George with her singing, so he votes her into the band. Meanwhile Tessa discovers what it means to be a football player's girlfriend and incites a revolt.
3X7761 11 "Yakult Leader" Alex Hardcastle January 30, 2013 4.73
Feeling that Yakult is not herself, Dallas hires Yoni (Wilmer Valderrama) to treat the dog, which puts a wedge between Dallas and George's relationship. Sheila asks Tessa to set Lisa up for a blind date.
3X7762 12 "Body Talk" Michael Patrick Jann February 6, 2013 5.73
Tessa signs up to host a talk show about teen issues for the school, however the show is taken over by Ryan, who instead talks about his body. Tessa is taken aback when the student viewers are far more interested in Ryan's topic. Dallas finds out that her house is actually located in East Chatswin, meaning all of her Chatswin privileges are revoked while Dalia has to attend another high school.
3X7763 13 "Blowtox and Burlap" Julie Anne Robinson February 13, 2013 5.91
Tessa and Ryan spend Valentine's Day evening watching an arthouse film, that has Ryan emotionally moved, but ends up confusing Tessa. Malik continues to try to win Lisa back. Sheila's mother (Mary Kay Place), intrudes on Shelia and Fred's Valentine's Day plans. Dallas undergoes a major botox procedure, which ends up making her look disfigured, forcing George to eat an 18-course meal all by himself, prepared by Chef Julio (Michael Voltaggio)
3X7764 14 "T-Ball & Sympathy" Phil Traill February 20, 2013 5.74
Tessa becomes a relationship adviser while Ryan is at an away game. Tessa agrees to help Mr. Wolfe, who suspects that Chef Alan is being unfaithful with his ex-boyfriend Chef Norman (J.P. Manoux). George is left stuck in the middle when Dallas and Noah manage competing T-Ball teams.
3X7765 15 "Leaving Chatswin" Elliot Hegarty February 27, 2013 6.12
Marty, a friend of George's and Noah's at the country club, passes away. George is left with the ashes upon discovering that Marty had very few close friends or family members. Tessa and Ryan think about their lives after high school, after Ryan says he spent his three days away visiting college recruiters.
3X7766 16 "How to Be a Baby" Victor Nelli March 6, 2013 4.60
After revealing his love for Carmen to George, Noah tries to make his feelings a reality despite his marriage to Jill. Tessa interns for "published author" Jill, thinking the experience will look good on her college applications. The actual experience, however, becomes a strange one. Dalia agrees to give Mr. Wolfe a makeover, after his breakup with Chef Alan.
3X7767 17 "Eat, Pray, Eat" Elliot Hegarty March 20, 2013 4.19
Dallas feels neglected after seeing that George does not have much interest in a Deryck Whibley-autographed guitar that she bought him for his birthday. So to make up for George's disinterest, Dallas indulges herself in Italian food with Jill. Tessa begins to think that living in the suburbs for so long has made her dull. Noah once again tries to seek Carmen's attention.
3X7768 18 "Brown Trembler" Phil Traill March 27, 2013 5.33
George is asked by the mothers of Chatswin to help Noah, who has been living in the local hotel with Opus, following his divorce from Jill. George has Noah and Opus move in with him, which doesn't turn out well. Tessa helps Fred be more hip in order to get a new job. Dallas forces Dalia to throw out some of her things, to overcome her hoarding addiction.
3X7769 19 "Decemberfold" Linda Mendoza April 3, 2013 5.83
George becomes obsessed about his figure to make the December page of the annual "Fathers of Chatswin" calendar. Dalia becomes jealous when Noah's college-age daughter spends time with Tessa. Tessa and Lisa discover some strange secrets about Dalia.
3X7770 20 "Go, Gamblers!" Alex Hardcastle April 10, 2013 5.60
Tessa helps Ryan with his decision on which college to attend. George contemplates moving in with Dallas, but Dallas becomes disappointed when it appears George is doing so to save money, rather than for romantic reasons. Sheila tries to sell George's house to Leslie (Johanna Braddy), a young single mother. Dalia, still fuming about Tessa sticking her nose where it didn't belong, reveals one of Tessa's secrets to Ryan.
3X7771 21 "Apocalypse Meow" Ken Whittingham April 17, 2013 5.33
Dallas and George try to figure out a way to tell Tessa that he's sold their house and the two are moving in together. The rift between Tessa and Dalia becomes physical. Despite her dating his therapist, Noah continues to obsess over Carmen.
3X7772 22 "Stray Dogs" Emily Kapnek April 17, 2013 5.45
George buys a house for Dallas, and is then visited by her ex-husband, Steven. Sheila convinces Mr. Wolfe to throw a Chastity Ball at school, believing strongly that Lisa will be crowned queen. An emotionally distraught Tessa seeks solace in the bathroom stall.

Season 3 (2014)Edit

Production Code Ep # Title Director Original air date U.S. Viewers
3X7751 1 "No Me Gusta, Mami" TBA January 15, 2014 TBA
In the Season 3 premiere, George adopts a dog in an attempt to rebuild his relationship with Tessa. Meanwhile, Sheila tracks a canine on the loose in Chatswin; and Dalia shuns Dallas after her mother's latest breakup.
3X7752 2 "Victor Ha" TBA January 22, 2014 TBA
Empty-nest syndrome at the Shays' prompts Fred and Sheila to take in a foster child named Victor, but Lisa is convinced the young lad is a con artist. Meanwhile, Tessa objects to her dad's friendship with Dalia. 
3X7753 3 "Open Door Policy" TBA January 29, 2014 TBA
Tessa calls her grandfather when she's worried about George in the wake of his breakup with Dallas, but the son is not keen on his father's advice. Meanwhile, Tessa learns that Ryan is coming home for a visit—and that he's bringing his new girlfriend.
3X7754 4 "The Birds and the Biederman" TBA February 5, 2014 TBA
Awkward meetings in Chatswin for George and Dallas force them to divide the town to avoid seeing each other. Meanwhile, Tessa wonders why Lisa is hanging out with Ryan's girlfriend; and Fred is worried that Sheila is ready to leave him.
3X7755 5 "Blame It on the Rainstick" TBA February 26, 2014 TBA
Noah returns to Chatswin a changed man after his court-ordered anger-management program, but George decides to see if it really worked. Meanwhile, Tessa joins a new age band she meets in the park.
3X7756 6 "About a Boy-Yoi-Yoing" TBA March 5, 2014 TBA
George and Fred take a trip to Manhattan after Tessa scolds her dad for his love of a juice bar in Chatswin. Meanwhile, Tessa gets talked into attending Evan's birthday party, where she announces what she really thinks of him.
3X7757 7 "I'm Just Not That Into Me" TBA March 12, 2014 TBA
Tessa takes Malik and Lisa to a college party, where she meets her male doppelgänger—and falls for him instantly. Meanwhile, Dallas gets a makeover after getting some interesting advice from a matchmaker. 
3X7758 8 "Catch and Release" TBA March 26, 2014 TBA
Lisa decides to propose to Malik, but the news sends Tessa to her dad for advice when she isn't sure how to respond, especially when the proposal doesn't go as planned. Meanwhile, George worries about his girlfriend's rudeness to her employees.
3X7759 9 "The Ballad of Piggy Duckworth" TBA April 2, 2014 TBA
Dallas' mother passes away, but she asks Tessa to head south with her for the funeral, where Dallas renews a sibling rivalry and confronts her feelings about her mom. Meanwhile, George, Noah and Fred go on a triple blind date that gets Fred a little more than he bargained for.
3X7760 10 "No, You Can't Sit with Us" TBA April 23, 2014 TBA
A weekend camping trip for George, Noah, Fred and Victor turns chaotic after Fred loses Victor in the woods. Meanwhile, Tessa mentors a social outcast and prepares her for the Miss Chatswin pageant, which takes her rivalry with Dalia to a new level.
3X7761 11 "Dalia Nicole Smith" TBA April 30, 2014 TBA
Dalia is rejected by the only college to which she applied, so Dallas tries to help plan her future, but Dalia has other ideas about how to survive. Meanwhile, George makes Tessa go on a double date with a mother and son they met on her college tour.
3X7761 11 "Dalia Nicole Smith" TBA April 30, 2014 TBA
Dalia is rejected by the only college to which she applied, so Dallas tries to help plan her future, but Dalia has other ideas about how to survive. Meanwhile, George makes Tessa go on a double date with a mother and son they met on her college tour.
3X7762 1 "Les Lucioles" TBA January 15, 2014 TBA
Lisa and Malik's wedding is boycotted by his family, so he asks George to walk him down the aisle. Meanwhile, June warns Tessa to stay away from Ryan; and Sheila passes on some advice to her daughter on her big day.
3X7763 2 "Stiiiiiiill Horny" TBA January 22, 2014 TBA
In the Season 3 finale, Tessa joins a knitting circle, but George is startled by how old her new friends are. Elsewhere, George writes a song in the aftermath of his one-night stand; and newlyweds Lisa and Malik aren't exactly a happy couple.